A Good Weekend

 It's been a weekend, not only did I win my match and the Kosen Judo 2023 Nationals, but I got a 5-star editorial review for Ivan Ivanovich from Reader Views. I feel truly humbled and blessed. If you know me well, you know that I hate talking about my accomplishments, but I think it appropriate to share some thoughts on the process leading up to the wins I've enjoyed this weekend. 

Writing and combat sports seem completely unrelated, yet the emotions I experienced leading up to the release of my book and a tournament are the same, mostly fear. I was afraid my book would be rejected, made fun of, completely fail; likewise, I was afraid of how I'd perform during my match. The process it took to get me the win at the Kosen tournament was all-encompassing, it required physical, mental, and spiritual discipline and dedication....passing up this hamburger or that doughnut, making it to the gym to lift weights or making it to jiu jitsu and judo class after a long commute and day at work. What you don't see, is that I lost three matches before that one at different tournaments, matches that I could have and should have won, but I was too mentally weak and fearful. I'm grateful for those losses because they revealed things about myself otherwise unseen. 

The Kosen tournament welcomed grapplers from all grappling disciplines: jiu jitsu, judo, wrestling, and mma. There were grapplers there from different countries and different schools. It was organized according to weight and years of grappling experience. I knew my opponent was a wrestler with some jiu jitsu experience. Our bracket originally had three other competitors, but for whatever reason they dropped out, so it was just me and him. Wrestlers must be respected in combat sports, their drive and determination, their athleticism is unmatched...they've cranked my neck, battered my ears, thrown me around, choked me out, etcetera...not to mention their skill with takedowns, double legs, single legs, ankle picks....so on. I've lost enough to wrestlers in training to know that they are extremely dangerous. I was most afraid that I would be blasted into the air and land on my neck or head. I researched my opponent beforehand, I looked up the school he wrestled for and watched matches with their wrestlers, I figured his techniques would resemble those from his alma mater. The day of the tournament was the worst, my match was at about 3:10 in the afternoon, so I got to spend the morning thinking about it, at times throughout the day, my legs would go weak...I remember wishing it would come sooner, but also being glad that it was still a little ways off. 

Throughout the day, I pondered on my previous losses, what I did wrong, what could've been better. Sometimes you lose even if you do everything right...but I knew that wasn't the case for me with my recent losses, I lost because I didn't have faith enough in myself...that was my biggest obstacle. I yielded to my doubts and other negative emotions that should not have been heeded. I thought about my recent trip home to Utah, where I got a chance to train with Amy Campo, the girl who won jiu jitsu at ADCC 2023. She and her coach are friends of the family, I observed the two of them in a training session, I was left in awe at the effort and dedication I witnessed. So I thought of her willpower and struggle to overcome her body that kept telling her to quit. After the session, she asked me if I needed help with anything...I fumbled because how do you tell the girl who won jiu jitsu that you suck at jiu jitsu and you know it's your fault because you're afraid that you'll lose or get tired or get hurt or whatever? I told her that I lost matches because my strategy was to go slow at the start to preserve energy, I was afraid of getting tired too fast...she said, "it's okay to get tired." Her coach harped on mindset during the training session...it's what I needed to hear. I asked my dad afterward, who's a purple belt and a former professional boxer, how to deal with competition, he said, "I got as good as I did because I just didn't care." It all came down to mindset.

I thought of all their advice throughout the day, I reflected on the techniques taught to me by my teachers at York BJJ. I prepared myself ahead of time by ensuring my body was strong, lifting weights, eating healthy, hitting the punching bag (which is the best form of cardio), and of course going to class. This weekend, it worked out for me, I did everything I could and it paid off...but even if I had lost, at least this time I would have been satisfied because I wouldn't have yielded to negative emotion as I did previously. 

Whether it's fighting a match or writing a book; give your all, yield to no negative emotion. I know that I will lose matches in the future, I know that I will get negative reviews...that's just the way it goes....but at least now, I can face it with a satisfied mind.